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I was embarrassed and annoyed, already contemplating how I was going to get out at the end. I’ve dieted my whole life and can’t remember a time when I wasn’t concerned about my weight.I grew up with a mother who told me I was amazing, who said I could accomplish whatever I wanted to. But when I was a teenager, she also started saying, “You need to lose weight.It will be harder when you get older to find your partner.” I went to weight-loss camp when I was young and was introduced to boys and the bases.It was a different world there: Size wasn’t so much of an issue, though there was a hierarchy, with the skinnier girls at the top.This piece was bought by a national women’s magazine, then killed, and I think now is the time to post it. I’m also a publicist, an extrovert, a bargain-shopper extraordinaire and an unbelievably good friend.*** I was on a date recently and a woman sat down at the next table, catty-corner to me. But what’s most visible about me, what defines me before I even open my mouth, is my size.Then my dad died when I was 22 and I wasn’t interested in anything anymore. It wasn’t until I was 28 that I decided I wanted to date again, after I got back in touch with people from camp.Some of them were very heavy, but they were married and successful in relationships. I started out on Jdate but worried that maybe people didn’t fully see my body type, even though I never lied or showed a picture that wasn’t me.

Ultimately everybody’s looking to get to the next level, and for many men in New York, a larger woman is the bottom level, regardless of what she’s like.

I had a few boyfriends every summer, and when I got really thin, I suddenly had a boyfriend back at school, too. After that it was back to the old way, and I didn’t have a boyfriend anymore. I was always overweight, but when I got to Vassar I was diagnosed with polycystic ovarian syndrome.

I didn’t gain a freshman 15, I gained a freshman 50.

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