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She works long hours and finds her young body feels weak and worn out at times.

To keep in shape, Phueng goes to the gym regularly and has added a new routine to her "feel better tasks" a weekly massage. The mamasan told me she had something special for me today.

The brown-haired goddess with enhanced tits and a big curvy ass starts making out with him and grabs him by his balls.

Throughout my long tenure writing Ridiculous Tips For A Miserable Sex Life, I've taken aim at various targets, but one publication stands out as a bastion of weird and wacky sex advice — always chipper, always in a numbered list, and always ill-advised.

is just a girl, standing in front of a boy, trying to figure what to do with his penis. …Take his shaft between your open palms and tap it back and forth, almost like you're volleying a tennis ball.

Or try the windshield-wiper move; glide your thumb from side to side along the rim where his head begins, then move your thumb up and over the top of the head several times." If, at any point during this oddly elaborate ritual, he looks confused, toss him a heated stare and say, "I crave you" — you know, to clear things up. "34 percent of guys say they wish a girl would surprise them with oral when they walk in the door." The other two-thirds might think it's alarmingly precalculated, but that's a risk worth taking. "Fifty-six percent of unmarried men prefer receiving head while lying down as opposed to standing up, while the numbers are exactly reversed for married men." I think that means you are one married man and two standard deviations from overthinking foreplay. If these don't skyrocket your pleasure (and have him drowning in drool), we don't know what will." I pride myself on keeping up with the international register of erotic terminology, but somehow "drowning in drool" slipped right by me. "Tickle his feet with your nipples: climb on top of him in reverse cowgirl position, then bend over until your nipples reach the tops of his feet. (how rude of your vadge to have hogged it all these years)." Your vadge is a hog, women. And what sort of weirdly dexterous breasts allow for painting?

However, after Googling it, I did learn that it accounts for 23% of nocturnal deaths among St. …Yowzah." When this sounds spicy, you have hit new heights of erotic boredom. Doesn't this just involve lunging at him like a brightly-colored walrus? "Draw an attention-grabbing circle around your nipples using rhinestones and body glue for a special night in." Definitely wait for a special night. "Cook dinner topless, apply a little tomato sauce to your nipple," and ask your man to lick it off." Just don’t attempt #16 and #17 on the same night — your man might choke on a rhinestone.

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